They Asked Me- Do You Want To Pursuing A Romantic Relationship?

“What does a men could say or do that can makes you want to pursue a romantic relationship with them?”

This question…..after years and years being an amateur dating coach for many of my friends I was surprised, no one ever asked me about this, when we were talking about relationship, love and shit, usually they were asked me about my point of view of “their” relationship, does whatever they have done were right or not, but no one…no one ever asked me about “me”, about my personal romantic relationship. So, when someone did that I just gave them a nod and smiled, it was fun. At some point I didn’t think I have the answer…yet, so I told them that I need a time and I’d tell them when I have the answer. And Instead of giving you the bits and pieces, unmeaningful examples of adult wishy washy response about love, I’ll bring you the whole menu on your table. Be ready.

This is the answer,

Relationship especially a romantic relationship is abstract, real and tricky at the same time, we can talk about a lot of things as much as we cannot talk about a lot of things, because there comes a time when words just fail to accurately portray emotions, we cannot put the right phrases to describe whatever we’re feeling inside, so an action is needed. But, sometimes the words and actions also not enough, just like a drop of water from the oceans of our hearts, I don’t think that there have been words invented yet to describe or express our hearts accurately. See...talking about relationship is hard, but I’m trying to meet the right words to answer the question.

There’s two type of romantic relationship, short-term and long-term, and they have a different qualifications and purposes too. In a short-term romantic relationship we usually just chasing for fun, the euphoric feeling, the high and trying to takes advantage of each other by being with them or being seen with them as long as we’re not crossed the line. In this type of relationship I don’t think we need to dig deeply about someone’s life caused it doesn’t matter anyway, we’re here for a season.

The long-term one is different, we’re not just gonna hangout for a happy hours drink every Friday night, we’re here to stay, so the qualifications and purposes should be different. Asking someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend is easy thing to do, but how we have to maintain that relationship to keep going and growing is not as easy and beautiful as the Hallmark movies. We talking about ‘24/7 for the rest of our life’ kind of shit, we’re talking about companionship. I’m personally tend to chose the long-term caused the other one will cost me a lot, I don’t think I can recover and I don’t have the energy to be in the short one. So, in a long-term kind of relationship-companionship, we need a good compatibility to make this relationship works for the both of us, we need to be ‘right for each other’, and to be right for someone and with someone doesn’t requires us to be a perfect human being like be 10 out of 10 baddie, ‘It Girl’ or ‘It Boy’, the innocent one…No, we don’t need to be in a certain social categories. We just need the right person for us and us be the right person for them to make the relationship-companionship last longer. If it doesn’t last then it means we’re just not that good for each other, the next person might be.

"Ophelia" by Jean-Baptiste Bertrand (1857)

I think some of us women agreed, we loves some devilish men who would “burn down the world to having you” or “I’ll wreck the hell to find you” tropes in a fictional romance books but deep down we all need someone who exist (and a long therapy sections too). To be that “right person” is very tricky, sometimes we’re change so much and so far just to be fit in someone’s type, we do whatever it takes to get that position…being with them, being loved by them, til we’re realized we end up losing ourselves too. When in reality, if somebody find your life is compatible with them, they don’t need something “more” than the actual you, so you just need to be you, and you’re not afraid of that.

We all need someone that want to live alongside us rather than viewing us as some kind of subservient extras in their grand multimillion motion picture film, where they’re the main character and we just…here. At this point, when you’re in a healthy and loving relationship-companionship they’ll give you the room to grow within your relationship to define yourselves, to define themselves individually outside your relationship. If you don’t feel that way, just take a time to process and thinking do you really want it? because it will cost you a lot. Why you want something that they only pay half when it cost you the whole price?.

As much as you do, I want to be the right person for someone when I am just being me, I want them to be the right person for me when they’re just being themselves. I want the kind of relationship when we fit each other so well caused we’re just so good together, we grow together, we love and respect each other. I need to fall in love to feel the need to pursuing a relationship, and to be in love with someone it really don’t need to be something specific, It will be a lot of things to loving them, when I just find myself going from liking the little things they do like when they put so much effort into something or their dedication to stuff or simply I’m very happy when they’re around and at that point I know I am in love and I want to pursue a relationship with them.

That’s it, that’s the answer.