Boundaries

In every human connection, boundaries is something that we can not left behind, we need boundaries. We wear it in our sleeves everywhere, like some kind layers so people understand the invincible lines between them and make it clear that no one could casually crossing it. We don’t think we need boundaries until it violated like, “Oh! I don’t like people do that to me” or “I’m not fully comfortable for people inserting themselves into that part of me”. It’s not that we’re too sensitive caused in the end of the day we all have sensitive spots, It’s just simply there will be a time in our lives where we just do not want to inviting people and engaging with them into some part or moments of ourselves, it’s called private for a reason, no guests.

Setting boundaries is not an easy task, especially with someone that we loves. We can’t savagely tell people to back off and saying something like “I don’t want you to talk about that in front of me”, it’s rude. Setting boundaries is not meant to pushing away people around us, it is for protecting the connection, the relationship. It is understandable when we’re on a intimate relationship we want to know better about someone in a way to have a deeper connection with them. But sometimes, we or they were not ready and maybe would never be ready to share that part of themselves/ourselves. So, both of us need to find the best way to communicate it with both parties.

Friendship is wonderful when we can set up the boundaries as well, is not gonna be easy but it must be done. We need to communicate and gives each other permission to set the limits, which part of ourselves that open and not open for public consumptions, make it clear what we like and not like, what do’s and don’ts in matter to respect each other, and which time we want to engaging with them. We will feel the guilt and uncomfortable but that’s part of the process, that’s the sign that we do it right. Some people might find it annoying, too much or not ‘easy’, but the people that’s truly loves us, care for us would respect it the way we would respect theirs, it’s mutual.

Boundaries in friendship can be as simple as:

• No calls past 12

• Sort notice invitation to meet them

• Don’t want to always say yes for whatever (because if we don’t have the energy and fully intention to do it, it would not be fun for both of us)

• Not always meeting them where they’re at but not where we’re at

• Not wasting each other time and energy by giving advices that they’d never listened to

Setting boundaries can help us to show up in a really good headspace and energy, and having conversations about it with the person we loves would be wonderful. Every human connections are strenghtened by communication and it is two way street. We want to be heard, they want to be heard, we want to talk they want to talk too, we want to set the limits and they’re too. So, it will be good to have conversation about what we love and why we love all this setting, so they can respect it and understand it along the way how importance it is to us and our relationships with them, and vice versa.